Tuesday, January 04, 2005

School Daze

My classes start up again in 2 weeks, and I have to say, I'm not so enthused about it. The atmosphere in graduate school is a lot more political, provincial, narrow, and limiting than I had expected, although I did expect some of this. One thing I've learned from personal experience (and have had validated by reading about others who have experienced similar circumstances), never express out loud what you believe in, if it in anyway conflicts with those who have power over you. This can lead to all sorts of silent repercussions, including affecting grades. I'm starting to wonder a little bit what the molding of the graduate school experience turns out, as it seems the more sycophantic, banal, mindless flatterers due fairly well (surprise, surprise), whereas if you have anything more original of thought and expression to say, you can pay a price for it. Perhaps there are those who are threatened by original thought and expression, particularly if they lack much of it. I am consoled, though, by history, and the many figures of the past who had to endure unearned sleights from those whom history (surprise, surprise) has completely forgotten about in our day. My constitution is such that I am prevented from enagaging in sycophantism and false bonhomie, so my usual strategy is to do what I have to do, and limit my time with those for whom the concept of honor is no more that just another expediency in our "it's all about me" world. I fear, though,I am indeed going to have to learn how to "play the game", if this experience is going to have any useful results in the future. I really need to find some models of those who have been able to be successful in their chosen areas, without losing their dignity in dignity stripping processes. I better do this soon. That reminds me, I need to check on scholarship opportunities, as now is the season for this, and the deadlines will be coming up soon.


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